My father was never around. For a long time I never had someone to look up to, nor someone to put in the role of father. And I hated the idea of God because I always heard people call him ‘The Father’.
I recently had a conversation with a Christian friend who confessed her aversion to reading the Bible. The reason she gave is understandable: she’s afraid that she’ll misunderstand and misinterpret the Bible, rendering her more confused than when she started.
We’re all on a road to somewhere, walking a path toward something better—or so we hope. Just as Jesus stopped Paul on his path, Jesus breaks into our lives to reset our direction and create a new chapter within our story.
I confess I have been idolizing a certain kind of normalcy—the steady job that looks successful to everyone else, the insurance, the safety of knowing where you were going to be for more than three months. Growing up with a dad who worked 8-to-5 and a stay-at-home mom, my idea of “normalcy” is a piece of fine china I nurtured. I took this definition of adult life with me while navigating the Christian journey.
God gave us sexual desires with a purpose in mind. And hiding from them goes directly against that purpose. Sexual desires reveal our most basic need for connection to him and others.
When we are insecure we try to manage and arrange our environment and surroundings to try to secure for ourselves the love and acceptance and stability we so deeply need and yearn for.
God does not expect us to change ourselves before we go to Him. God is waiting for us to go to Him so He can change us. He is looking for vessels; chipped, marred and broken.
For months the closest thing I could muster to a prayer was “God, I still believe in you.” It is important for me to keep remembering that, just because I’m in a dark place, it does not mean I don’t have faith.
In truth, tolerance is another form of indifference. We practice closing ourselves off from any potential religious clash in the same way we ignore all the facts we know about sex-trafficking and homelessness in our own country.
Perhaps we need exercise caution when crossing gender boundaries, but God’s call to love also means following his Spirit and serving people the way they need even if that risks misunderstanding and disapproval from others.