I was planning on getting married this summer. I had a ring and everything. Then out of seemingly nowhere, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was my first real serious relationship, so needless to say, this wrecked me. To be honest, I’m still dealing with the pain of the breakup. If you’re going through a breakup right now, know that it’s okay to hurt. Don’t rush past the pain. I know too often I have tried to pretend I’m okay, before I actually have healed from the pain I’ve experienced. Breakups suck, so I thought I’d write down what I’ve been learning so far about the processing this breakup.
I’ve been learning to be patient with myself. A couple of days ago, I thought I was doing great. I had written out a letter about how I was moving on and how I knew that to love is to risk and to love never goes to waste, and then a couple of days later, I find myself wondering if the only way to redeem the pain is to hope and pray that I can get back together with my ex. And I hate it. I wish I could just be over this. But I know healing takes time.
Healing Takes Time
I need to talk about it. I was lucky enough to have already been seeing a counsellor, so it has been really helpful to talk to her about it. But it hasn’t just been talking to her about it that has helped, just continually talking to my friends about what I’m thinking and feeling has been helping me to heal.
I need an outlet. I have learned that I don’t just need to talk to friends and family, but I need to write down what’s going on in my head and heart. So I’ve been journaling more, and I’ve been working on some new songwriting.
I need people. I’m so thankful that I had a group of friends that listened to me and cried with me. I knew right away that it was going to be a shock to my system having her gone all of a sudden. I know that I crave intimacy with people so I’ve been putting in extra effort to connect with friends and go on new adventures. I find I’ve been doing a mix of processing the pain, and distracting myself with the things and people I love.
I need God. In the middle of the pain, I’ve been reaching out to God. I know I can’t bear this on my own. God knows pain. This wasn’t a surprise to him. He is compassionate. All of a sudden, worship songs about praising God when life hurts and doesn’t go as planned have more weight to them. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but I find hope knowing that I’m not alone even when I feel lonely.
I need to give thanks. I just finished reading through a great book that talks a lot about not being alone in our pain (If You Feel Too Much by Jamie Tworkowski). He writes about when so much is missing, to look for what’s still there. So I’ve decided in the midst of my pain, to start another #100thankful days challenge, where I post on Instagram at least one thing I’m thankful for each day for 100 days.
I need to focus on the present. I can’t change anything I have done or failed to do. I must accept today’s reality. All I can do is ask what I can learn, and keep moving forward.
Lastly, I need to hold on to hope. I can take heart. The darkness will lift. The sorrow will not last forever. I’m still in the middle of it, but I know this to be true. So I write this out as a reminder to myself. Hearts do heal. I’m not alone. And neither are you.